“I said that the world is absurd, but I was too hasty. This world in itself is not reasonable, that is all that can be said. But what is absurd is the confrontation of this irrational and the wild longing for clarity whose call echoes in the human heart. The absurd depends as much on man as on the world. For the moment it is all that links them together. It binds them to one to the other as only hatred can weld two creatures together. This is all I can discern clearly in this measureless universe where my adventure takes place.”
— Albert Camus


how much is too much?
how much is too little?
what is deserving of a person?
what is undeserving of a person?

we are often torn between holding back and letting go,
not knowing how much is enough.
are we holding back to weaken ourselves,
to show how well we can subdue our carnal selves.
or are we holding back just to undergo the sheer joy of self-torture,
to shortchange ourselves just to give us a satisfactory feeling that we are accomplishing something.

yes,God sees our heart.
so when do we know we are holding back too much?
when do we know we need to let go?
like breathing, we never know what is the rightful amount to breathe in,
we just breathe.
there is no rightful amount of sacrifice needed to get our prayers answered.
God isn't a redemption counter where our prayers get answered according to the amount of stuff we deprive ourselves of.
two men praying for the same thing might both get their prayer answered even though one fasted and prayed more than the other.
however, we tend to convince ourselves that the more i give, the more i sacrifice, the more God will bless me.
little did we realise that maybe at a certain point,in the midst of our sacrificing,we might have crossed the line.


'Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked shall i return there.
The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;
Blessed be the name of the Lord.'


true.
but God never intended for us to totally abstain from everything He has blessed us with.
or he wouldn't have blessed us in the first place.

so how much is enough?


i'm estranged by my own confusion.
♥ 1:50 AM