it's really scary when your heart gets way out of hand

that despite all your efforts to control

it just keeps going against the logical.

after all that has happened,

ive come to the consensus that whatever i feel for anyone should just stop at the level it is now

since there's no point progressing.

cause the greater you feel for one,

the greater the hurt is going to be.

then again,the realisation wasn't strong at all in stopping anything.

yes,after hearing about what happened,

i was so close to getting into another tuffle,

not cause i was involved,

but cause i just wanted to fight for the injustice and the rubbish that was going on.

i must admit,

many a times i found it very tiring to love,troublesome to care,

questioning at times if its in any manner in it for me...

and sometimes even getting sick of everything and throwing it aside,

convincing myself that it's none of my business.

'maybe i just dont love them that much'

and i thought i was right.

but when things happen,

and the curtains are drawn,

what my heart really says and how much of it was given becomes totally clear.

i've unknowingly fallen victim to a fragile vulnerability.

and all i can say is "I just can't help it."

a thick mist was never the best place one ever wants to find themselves in.

for one.

you don't really know where you're heading.

sometimes you see it and sometimes you don't.

and i guess that's the only difference it is from darkness.

some words are easier to be used on other people than to use it on yourself.

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

i really wish i could use it.

this time.

it's really bad.

sometimes it's really hard to fathom why it is so difficult to say no,

that though you know some people don't deserve all the time and attention,

you still give them your all when they are in need.

is it the sense of righteousness instilled in us as we walk with God,

or it's just the fact that we are starting to become all so chivalrous.

that it's so difficult to see one in distress and to just walk pass it like nothing happened.

that when something bad happens,

and the victim approaches you,

you just put aside all differences,let down your guard

and just want to be there for them.

it's not like i have all the time in the world,

neither am i filthy rich or have all the resources in the world.

sometimes,

i really hate myself for caring so much.

Dear God,

i guess your love is really amazing.

two more days of preaching.

so far so good.

just that my altar calls never ever seem to take shape

not to forget my prayer whang-doodles.

the next two will be the toughest yet.

especially the one on friday.

physical healing.

God,i really need a little of your creativity once again.

even an iota will do.

it's amazing how we always find excuses to not do things we dont want to do.

procrastinating,delaying,indulging in self delusion.

somehow our minds are able to make us put aside what needs to be done to do something much less important by convincing ourselves the latter's much more important when it's never the case.

and not surprisingly it's always the things that needs urgent attention.

i guess that's what distinguishes the successful to the normal

the determination and strength to actually overcome our carnal minds and to really set our focus in place.

what is it you want to achieve at the end of the day?

all we need to do is to set our eyes on our targets and prevent ourselves from looking at the little mysterious paths that lurks around on our way to it.

curiousity.

that's usually what steers us away from our paths.

our hot pursuit of a greener ground,

a more interesting and fun place.

which eventually becomes one huge major distraction.

ive done what i want to do,but have i done what i need to do?

i often find myself questioning myself.

the mind can definitely take one far.

and the only condition to justify it?

you gotta take control of it.

i seriously need to sort out my thoughts

and lock it as it is.

self control and discipline.

welcome to my world.

this whole week was yet another testing one.

decisions i made are now put through the fire.

the more i want to drop it.

the more it comes at me.

and saying no becomes harder and harder.

thank God for the strong determination.

building up my foundation,

it's gonna be tough but im sure it's gonna be all worth it.

lunch with derr today really set my mind on a high,

it started to wander yet again.

many a times we get ourselves into situations where we are torn between two

helpless and tortured we may feel.

but no matter what,we still have to make a decision to move on further.

it's like a fork road.

what hurts the most is when both issues are what we hold dear and close to our hearts,

where choosing either is like slicing bits of our heart away

and we start to wonder what is wrong with just keeping both and staying the way it is.

you cant have the best of both worlds.

and doing so will probably get you nowhere

cause how do you progress by staying where you are?

needless to say,

God usually puts us in situations like these to really strengthen our faith in Him.

and all we really need to do is to have doubtless faith.

doubtless faith,its as difficult to achieve as it is precious.

we can choose what we allow ourselves to be affected by

and sometimes the heart can really be irrational.

there are times i really wish i could just tie my heart to my head.

that way they would be able to move as one.

awesome week yet again.

Thank God for your grace...

and the car wash.=)

my loveee.

eric's twentyfirst!

and the view's panaromic!

we managed to catch the fireworks coming from both padang as well as one fullerton

awesomeness.

caught my first world cup match today.

japan vs nederlands.

all in all,ive caught like 3 matches already.

including the one now.

sadly,none of them has been really amazing or exciting.

and my mom finally gave up watching online and signed up for the world cup package

so i get to watch it now on the big screen.yeayy.

lastly,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIC!!!!!

thanks for being so awesome.

i could never find a lamer friend than you.

love you lots!

off to prepare myself for another battling day with You by my side.=)

i've finally found a way to gauge how much a person means to me

without the primitive method of losing that person.

so now everytime i look at a person,

i just think of the situation whereby my mini's facing the danger of being towed away with my new love in it and the person standing at the riverside,wanting to die...

and i decide whether i will run after the tow truck or let the truck tow it away.

it's 1989 time.

been a long while since we all met up like that and it really feels awesomely good.

so we headed down to my new discovery..hehe.

many more nice chillouts to come!









really love chillouts like this.

its brainless and relaxing.

guess the full set will be here the next round?

dinner with my favourite bunch of girls this evening.

awesomeness oozing out of all ends.












i am having the time of my life.

simple as it seems,

i really enjoy and cherish each and every moment now.

be happy with what i have instead of keeping my mind on things i don't.

and indeed,it made a whole lot of difference.

at least i'm happy all and that's what matters isn't it?

live life to the fullest.

i'm trying my upmost best.

talking to a friend yest night made me realise much about what we can do about our own situations.

many quotes and books mention that our mind determines the state we are in,

be it a bad situation or a good situation.

but how many times do we actually let our minds go on it's own accord while clearly understanding the logic of it all at the same time?

it's like the refusal to reel in the kite string when the kite starts flying lower.

though hard and tormenting it is,

controlling our minds plays a vital role in determining the quality of our time.

whether or not we want the day to be top quality or no quality

depends on what we allow ourselves to be affected by.

all the excuses about the mood being beyond our control is just nonsense.

in the end,it's still a matter of choice and self motivation,isn't it?

thank God i'm almost there.

cupcakes,swimming,movie,meals all...

can't wait for the next one.

i'm sure its just gonna get bigger and better.

love you girls ttm!

more pics on facebook!