“I don’t want to be little again. But at the same time I do. I want to be me like I was then, and me as I am now, and me like I’ll be in the future. I want to be me and nothing but me. I want to be crazy as the moon, wild as the wind and still as the earth. I want to be every single thing it’s possible to be. I’m growing and I don’t know how to grow. I’m living but I haven’t started living yet. Sometimes I simply disappear from myself. Sometimes it’s like I’m not here in the world at all and I simply don’t exist. Sometimes I can hardly think. My head just drifts, and the visions that come seem so vivid.”
— David Almond: Jackdaw Summer


i need to cherish my free time now..
and probably finish up norwegian wood,
update my music,
complete my 3 overdue presents and one that's almost due,
paint my nails,
get my uni applications done
and probably meet up some people i have yet to see for some time...

but my head's in the clouds,
and there doesn't seem to be an iota of urgency so long as i dont think about it.
'do not worry for tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry for itself.'
what if my tomorrows procrastinate and just stop worrying altogether?
♥ 12:36 AM

“Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold onto something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it’s so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn’t come back. You’re left so alone that you can’t explain.”
— Henry Rollins


i took a step back,
and looked around.
only to realize the step was superfluous.

i was far enough to see everything.

letting go is as hard as it is easy.
♥ 7:18 PM

Maneck studied Beggarmaster’s excessive chatter, his attempt to hide his heartache. Why did humans do that to their feelings? Whether it was anger or love or sadness, they always tried to put something else forward in its place. And then there were those who pretended their emotions were bigger and grander than anyone else’s. A little annoyance they acted out like a gigantic rage; where a smile or chuckle would do, they laughed hysterically. Either way, it was dishonest.”


//Rohinton Mistry; A Fine Balance

after driving for some time,
you seek thrill in overtaking the slow drivers,
the swerving between lanes,
the records you break in reaching certain destinations.
it gives you this hope that anything is possible.

that aside,
there are always times where we try to overtake,
only to realise the other party's travelling at a slightly slower speed than us,
making it impossible for us to accomplish our secret little mission...
and the only way to do so,
was for us to slow down,
let the other party pass,
cut behind them,
then to the next lane,
before we overtake, mission accomplished.

many times we often reach a certain level of achievement which deludes us into assuming our rights.
our rights in always surpassing our rivals,
the belief that we are experienced enough to overtake our peers.
experience, one of the sources of pride.

it's like climbing a mountain,
there are different ways of getting there,
and with a little hard work,
we all make it to the top.
however,not all the routes we choose suit us like a glove,bad decisions happen.
what hinders us from reaching the top may just be our refusal to admit that we've made a bad decision.
our refusal to slow down and let the car on the other lane pass first,
to go all the way down the hill and pick another existing route to the top.
we let pride take the toll,
wasting more time in our attempts to salvage the situation.



sometimes all it takes for us to reach our destiny,
is the courage to take a step back,
and let the others take the wheel while you re-examine the route you are taking,
to have faith that the new route will give you even more victories that could sustain over a longer time.

the past few days have been pretty much a nightmare,
rejections after rejections,
disappointments one after another,
i wasn't exaggerating when i said i was having a 'daniel powter'.

i know bad days happen,
that life is not always a bed of roses,
and even if it is,
its only a matter of time we reach the thorns before we reach the soft ground.

i just need the courage to start all over again.
♥ 12:25 PM

“Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.”-Nail Gaiman  -The Sandman


..and i've got a few.
how i wish these worlds could come true.
maybe then i would start believing in loving like a fool.

praise the Lord for technical glitches.

dear God, i would love to have some time to read, not my textbooks,but real good stuff that will set me thinking...please?

pardon me for the lack of thoughts.
not that i dont have.
just whenever it happens,
i cant seem to find a medium to pen it down.
and the mind's not a very helpful "rememberon".

treasure every little thing before it slips away.
hold on tight, if you can.
at least you wont be left wondering when it gets robbed by the cruelty of time.
♥ 4:47 PM

“My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.”
— Maya Angelou


i finally found the courage..
and i'm glad i did. ♥


♥ 4:46 PM