" A secret to happiness is letting every situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be, and then making the best out of it."

Suddenly got reminded of this little secret but not so secret place that i used to come and seek "solitude". i'm amazed its been 2 years since i last came and the same feelings came surging in as i read every happy, confused or sad post that i ever wrote.

Much has happened in one year, i guess all the pieces do come together afterall. You may not know why things happen, but its therapeutic when you fought the good fight and you look back overtime to realise everything fell into place just nicely. And it thrills you to see that everything appeared much nicer than it could because you persisted and fought a little harder.

For what it's worth, i have graduated, found a job and is now a 3 weeks old cell group leader. I wouldnt say i have reached a point whereby i have accomplished something, but i would say i have reached a milestone that allowed me to do greater things be it for God or myself. 

Even though i do have a job now, writing "Research Assistant" in the occupation clause was never my idea of a destination. I know deep down that i want to be a doctor and i am still fighting for it mentally and physically. The odds are low and i convince myself of other alternatives a little more with each passing year but i just cant shake it off. That's probably how i know its what i was made for. Sometimes i do feel like i am wasting my time with this job because it takes up most of my time and so i cant really work towards the destinations that i want to, but i am trying my best not to waste whatever time i have left beyond work and ministry to make everything count , and i am really trusting God that a year and a half down the road, i will look back and feel like i have done something and not regret that no work was done at all.

In the beginning of the year, i told myself i am gonna make this year count in all areas of my life and so i approach everyday with greater caution, making sure every single day and hour counts for something because many insignificant things will accumulate to something significant over time and i dont want to look back at this year and realise it was significantly insignificant.

Being a cell group leader, i am still struggling to balance a friendship and discipleship relationship with my people. Extra cautious with every move i make lest i become any bit of my leader that i dont want to be. It's even easier to fall into the trap of expecting people to look up to you just because you are a cell group leader, but i've got that under control and it definitely made me much wiser in terms of the emotions i show. I thank God that most of my people are more open now that the group is smaller, i just hope the excitement and openness persists as we build a culture and environment that is enjoyable and uplifting to every single soul that joins us.

and there you have it, me at my rawest, 

fighting every single day to be better,

believing that His plans for me will eventually come to fruitition.