"The unreal is more powerful than the real,because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it."

crushed into micro bits,
you swept up the pieces and made it into a beautiful piece of art in a blink of an eye.

it was too overwhelming,
too great a thing.
sometimes when things seem too good to be true,
we find it hard to tell the difference between our imagination and God's creation.

i questioned my own capabilities,
and i thought i had faith greater than a mustard seed.
then i realised....its smaller than a pore.

for fear of steering towards skepticism or excessive optimism,
what is the right amount to expect?
under-expect to overachieve was what i would usually say.
so what happens when the line of under expecting and over expecting's frayed?

i trembled.
i really did.

it's all on to you now.
♥ 1:52 AM

♥ 12:34 AM

♥ 11:23 PM

♥ 4:04 AM

“That’s the fun of it, Chuckie; you never know what you’re going to get until you get it.”
— Tommy - Rugrats “1991”

♥ 3:25 AM

“Of course there’s a such thing as love. Everything is made of love. But, I think what there’s no such thing as is the love that other people tell you about, the love that you hear about from movies, or from songs, or from your friends or from your parents. You know, you can take what you want and leave the rest from those notions of love but there’s no love except for the one that you feel for yourself and it’s different for everyone.”
— Joseph Gordon-Levitt


my last few posts have created much mayhem.
i don't see the point in clarifying cause much explanation and clarification will only smudge the blot further.
all i can say is,there are many perspectives to a certain point.
it's like a mind map, we can decide where we want to end up, all we need is to think along the arrows that leads up to where we want it to end.
thoughts dont just revolve around relationships and BGR,it has greater capacity for much more.
the world is beautiful in a colorful manner,
so are thoughts...at least i like to think that mine is.
♥ 2:10 AM

“When we think we know people inside out and we think we know what’s best for them, we should try to remember we don’t even know what’s best for ourselves.”
— Hayley Williams


we are all weird beings.
and i guess it's these little specks of weirdness which sets us apart from each other.

sometimes i really wonder why people do what they do.
and there's probably a gazillion explanations to a single action.
it really mounts up to which one u are comfortable in believing.
and that becomes the truth...to you and only you.

driven by different factors we tend to mould our own world,
it's like a game of 'civilisation',
we build it on what we choose to believe,
fill it up with people we choose to have in our lives,
run it with activities we feel its right to carry out.

there's no definite right way to run a civilisation,
we all do it the way it best fits to our preference.

'weird' is probably just an expression of disapproval to the way things are just cause it isn't the way you want it to be.
♥ 7:14 AM

“It was not one of those strong, impulsive feelings that can hit two people like an electric shock when they first meet, but something quieter and gentler, like two tiny lights traveling in tandem through a vast darkness and drawing imperceptibly closer to each other as they go.”
— The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami


it's like a social studies question where we are supposed to examine the pros and cons of a policy or determine whether one factor is the major cause of a certain incident.
we often find ourselves getting engulfed in situations where we probably have to decide our perspective before we go ahead and do whatever we do with our time.

yes there is always two sides to a coin,two views from a window,
a zillion views from a well carved crystal and they always don't flow in the same direction.
the reason why materials like paper don't reflect is cause the rays of light that bounces off its surface is scattered in all directions.
likewise mirrors reflect cause the reflected lights all move in the same direction.

there might be conflicting perspectives regarding every matter,
being caught in a forkroad where a decision has to be made might seem like a catastrophic headache.
just like light, taking in all the perspectives into consideration sometimes might just hinder one from making the right decision.
girls tend to be more emotionally inclined, more led by the heart whereas guys tend to be more logically wired,guided by the mind.
many might say that the best decisions are the ones when your heart and mind sings the same tune.
but seriously, what are the odds of that happening?

God doesn't only plant papers and woods in our lives but mirrors too.

uncertainties,insecurities are part of the package of every decision we make in our lives.
we can never make one completely free of either.
the right decision is never the right decision until it happens,
before everything,it is just the decision with the lowest risk of backfiring.

Paul Scanlon (one of my favs) once said,
in life,we often have to kiss a number of frogs before we actually find our prince and
we almost never get the prince out of the first frog we kiss.
the moment we overcome the fear of kissing a frog we are halfway to finding our prince,
cause then kissing frogs doesn't require much hesitation or consideration anymore.
and every frog we kiss pushes our faith up to another level.
Despite not knowing when we will actually kiss the prince,the belief that we are a little closer to our prince, our goal is enough to keep us going..cause at the end of the day,you know you're gonna get the prince no matter what.

the conflicting perspectives' been bugging me for long,
i had to admit it was tougher than sitting on a rock and plucking petals off flowers deciding "he loves me, he loves me nots"
being young at heart aside, we are only really young once in a lifetime.
though it's a time to have all the fun in the world, do all the crazy things we can,it's also a time where we make all the mistakes we want.
cause as we grow older, we have more things on our hands,
the price to pay for our mistakes just gets higher.

"I realized the wrong turns in life are not mistakes. They just help you figure the right path." -forgottenstars.

instead of standing at the bank,wondering how deep the water is,
fiddling with my mind trying to figure it out based on the chattering of others around me,
i've decided to take a dip,
totally void of regrets even if i drown,
to experience my imagination in reality.


cause only then will i be able to say,
"so far,i've lived life to its fullest."




♥ 3:12 AM

“Words do not express thoughts very well. They always become a little different immediately they are expressed, a little distorted, a little foolish. And yet it also pleases me and seems right that what is of value and wisdom to one man seems nonsense to another.”
— Herman Hesse


i tend to enter into a state of confusion whenever someone tries to teach me how to love,
or expects me to love them the way others do to them.
state of confusion being a situation whereby i don't really know what to feel about it.
it's not that i don't want to,
but we all have our freedom of expression don't we?

what one thing means to one may not mean the same thing to another.
the simple gesture of a phonecall or late night text might seem like a common thing to one
but might mean a whole lot to another.
for all you know, phonecalls might seem like a common thing cause you do it all the time,but to someone who doesn't like doing phonecalls.
a phonecall means so much you probably would never understand.

sometimes action really is an easier expression than words.
the only flaw is the fact that it's usually so well camouflaged it's hardly detected.
♥ 5:52 AM

okay,i know im a little lagging behind time.
but im just gonna play a little trick and put it in place.



“I believe in a kind of love that brings sailors home from the sea. Made up of seconds and years and the nospace between hands on skin. I cannot believe how much goes on. I can’t even cut out enough red hearts to keep up.”
— Sarah Mimnaugh

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR DINO CHUA!
i know you had fun and all over at the other side of the world.
but i just wanna say.

THANK YOU.
for being there when i needed you.
for all the joy
for all the courage you gave me to do all the spastic things that i wouldn't be able to do alone,
for all the little things that you did.
you made me feel like even though the world may disagree but i can trust that you will be able to understand the way i think just cause u think the same way too.
it's your twenty first!
and we only have one twenty first in our lifetime.
so have a GREAT BIRTHDAY!
(or rather you had already, but still.)
you know i would love to be there (just like our plan,roar)

LOVE YOU!!!<3
♥ 3:47 AM

♥ 1:57 AM

It’s the worst feeling in the world, to love and hate someone all at the same time. And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, and when you want to move on but you’re stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. It’s so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and they may never be the same. You tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it. 
-the diarists


i never expected it to be easy,
but i didn't know it would be so hard either.
♥ 1:51 AM

“Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.”
— Ida Scott Taylor


lunch yesterday left me burdened and inspired at the same time.
2010 was really one "hell of a ride".
true, it was a tough 10 months i have to admit.
bittersweet symphony.
but if i were thrown a reset button,
i would still live the same way i did,or rather..i would just throw the button away.

what makes life worthwhile?
it's not the mistakes we make,
neither is it the number of As we've managed to achieve in our studies or the money we managed to save up.
what makes it all worth it,
is the amount of courage you've mustered up to do crazy things,
the new experiences you've attained as a result.
how far you've stretched yourself throughout your circumstances,
the enlarged capacity you managed to achieve as a result.
the amount of love you've given,
the love that you've received back as a result.
and the increase in faith for you to do all of the above.

gratitude and thankfulness exists to be shown and expressed, not to be kept in a box and buried under a tree.
let this two months be a time of thanksgiving,
a time of appreciation,
a time for a final touch up.
♥ 6:00 PM

“Each person who ever was or is or will be has a song. It isn’t a song that anybody else wrote. It has its own melody, it has its own words. Very few people get to sing their song. Most of us fear that we cannot do it justice with our voices, or that our words are too foolish or too honest, or too odd. So people live their song instead.”
— Neil Gaiman


like the deadly attacks which deal a whole lot of damage to the opponent in street fighter,
the moves which are probably used only once or twice in a fight.
there are some words which we find it hard to say,
where it requires much of us to say it,
some of us spend our whole lifetime trying to muster enough 'power' to say it,
while others patiently wait for the right time.
but when is the courage we need enough?
when is the right time?

it's always harder for positivity to come out of our mouths than negativity.
the same applies to our thoughts,
somehow it just seems safer to expect the worst and be surprised by the best than to expect the best and be disappointed when it doesn't happen.
cause no matter what, we are all wired to expect.

it took me a while to let even the slightest tinge of positivity out of my mouth,
a simple 'thank you' or 'you can do it' or 'good job' used to demand a lot from me.


♥ 6:35 PM

mistakes,moments of folly,
misjudgements.
the cruelty of reality but that's what makes reality real isn't it?

each and everyone of us have a box of our own,
one where God has tailored for us according to our potential and what he has blessed us with.
however it's really up to us to determine what we fill that box with.
the size we picture ourselves in the box,
the people we include in the box,
the things we choose to see or think in the box.

people who clutter themselves with so much they end up crowding the outskirts of their boxes often find themselves totally stressed out,immobile and left with little space to move.
then there are those who picture themselves bigger than the box,
leaving no space for blessings or works of God.
those who picture themselves as a dot in the box find it hard to fill the box,
leaving a whole lot of empty space,totally underutilized.
and then there are the ones who fit snugly in the box,surrounded by the right blessings,the right thoughts, the right things to do,
and the box becomes a beautiful piece of art.
one that glorifies the artist.

sometimes all we need is to resize ourselves,
sometimes all we need is to fill up our boxes with the right stuff,
sometimes life is all about finding the right pieces to fit in the box that was exclusively designed for us.

everything's trial and error,
mistakes and misjudgements are inevitable.
we just need to trust that,
at the end of the day what we find are the right pieces.

after taking my common sense away for a moment to do such a crazy thing,
then almost immediately,putting it back nicely,making me realise that i just did something crazy.
you left me wondering why on earth did you let it happen,
to leave a nicely paved out pathway for a jungle exploration where the only marks of direction were probably my own footprints.
yes,i was baffled and every step forward was an act of faith,
one which was highly demanding in courage,
a struggle with the part of me which wanted to just follow the footprints back to the paved out pathway.
every step was a mark of a mini victory.
i can't say that i'm done,
but looking back at all that has happened made it easier for me to take another step forward.
cause to go deeper into the unknown, you've got to trust the one leading you more.

it's a torture sailing in unknown waters,
the disability to expect leaves me handicapped at times
but discovering and experiencing things that other people dont get to,makes it all worthwhile.

thank You for everything.
♥ 5:44 AM

with halloween and ilight minus school and mugging,
the past few days have been really great.

playing in a band was truly a blessing and a totally new experience.
i can't believe im saying this,but this is my first 'gig'.haha.
and thanks for the sunflower my no.1 fan.=)


♥ 5:44 AM