there are two big decisions in life, where you're going and who you're going to take with you.
knowing that eternity is where i'm heading,it makes the second part all the more important.
cause eternity means no end, no time,
eternity means you are stuck with these people and the only way to make all this work is probably this other thing which can exist in eternal form--love.

i always imagined myself as a door,where people pass through all the time.
but within the door exists a substantially small door with an even smaller exit which only has enough space for a few .
what sets these people apart is probably the fact that they don't pass through,they enter and stay.
and these are probably who i will take with me.
♥ 2:44 AM

♥ 2:23 AM

♥ 11:39 PM

“Don’t let go too soon. But don’t hang on too long.”

— Tuesdays with Morrie

♥ 2:09 AM

“We create illusions we need to go on. And one day, when when they no longer dazzle or comfort, we tear them down, brick by glittering brick, until we are left with nothing but the brought light of honesty. The light is liberating. Necessary. Terrifying. We stand naked and emptied before it. And when it is too much for our eyes to take, we build a new illusion to shield us from its relentless truth.”
— The Sweet Far Thing: Libba Bray


i woke up feeling like time has stopped.
somehow it feels like i've been devoid of the concept of time.
it's like being trapped in a bubble where everything is moving so slowly,
while everything's moving at the speed of light when you look out of it.

i know i need to catch up with the pace,
but it feels pretty fine just watching it all happen.
♥ 3:08 PM

“Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.”
— Unknown

sometimes knowing too much isn't exactly a good thing.
yes we need to keep ourselves updated and wary of all the things that are happening around us.
but when we start to feel some things are better off not knowing,
or when some things are too much to bear.
then maybe ignorance is bliss after all.

cause the moment you know it,
it's never the same again.

we just can't un-know something we already know,
we can ignore though,
but how far can deliberate avoidance bring us?
♥ 4:17 AM

A few times in my life I’ve had moments of absolute clarity, when for a few brief seconds the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think, and things seem so sharp and the world seems so fresh. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present, and I realize that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be.”
—
A Single Man (2009)


i have so much on my mind right now i couldn't decide what to write on
and writing on every single thing would seem rather nonsensical.
it's like a thousand and one feelings mashed up together,
i dont really know which im feeling anymore.
"bittersweet" would be an understatement given the fact that there are only two tastes.
more like "bittersweetsourspicy..." and the list goes on.

till this quote came to my mind,
the power in a relationship lies with whoever cares less.
caring too much usually results in emotional breakdown,
responses greater than it should be,
as well as happiness magnified ten times more than it should be.
in fact everything is illuminated and exaggerated according to how much you care.
it's like google map, the more you zoom in, the bigger the place seem to be,
when in actual fact, nothing's changed.

"don't let anyone or anything matter to you,unless you matter to them first."
that was what i always told myself.
but 21 years of my life just made it an epitome of immaturity...

i practically lived my "life motto" to it's non-existence.

you can't control who matter and who don't,
no matter how hard you try.
sometimes people just force their way into your life and there's nothing you can do about it.

though i hate to admit it,
i've crashed into this wall i've so dilligently created.
♥ 2:20 AM

♥ 2:04 AM

“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.”
— Vincent Van Gogh


no, that's not a two...
it's a twenty.


really pumped up and ready to go,
in all aspects.
it's funny how you can look at something so ambitious and feel like it can be and will be done anyway.
i guess that's the power of God- the ability to see it even before it's even there.

this is the least i could do...for now.
totally thrilled.

yes it's finally my turn to bum around while everyone's mugging like crazy.
seriously i wonder how they would feel if they realise the world's ending like right after their mid terms.
anyway,i've been really busy and really free at the same time.
dont ask me how that can actually be possible.
i dont know too.
it's the region in between not having enough time to finish up my stuff and feeling like i have nothing to do at the same time.
queer i know.but somehow,i like queer.
♥ 2:38 AM

the subconscious mind was something i never thought i would notice,
neither did i think i would be bothered about.
maybe cause it's our subconscious mind.
but maybe reading about it made realise the power of it all.
that it's best at bringing out the truth in the shortest period of time.
that in the case of sizing up a certain matter or a person,
the subconscious mind gives a commendable bit of accuracy.
guts,heart..there are a thousand names to call it.
but there's no denying the first thing which comes to our mind is usually whatever's gonna happen next
and we just have this inclination to know.
so why am i saying all this?

much as i would like to ignore the subconscious side of me and go ahead with whatever's happening,
i just couldn't,cause this time,it seemed so strong and unbearable.
sometimes,without knowing why,we just feel like this plan wont work out, or this picture we paint of someone is not it,that there's more than meets the eye.
how and why this is happening,we have no idea.
so to trust it or not?

rationality obviously contradicts and to a certain extent,even abolishes the existence of the subconscious mind.
how can you know the answer to a situation even before everything happens?
yes God will guide us.but it doesn't happen to everyone everytime does it?


"letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be."
♥ 1:43 AM

“Maybe it makes sense now. Maybe somewhere in all of this there’s a reason. Maybe somewhere in all of this there’s a why. Maybe somewhere there’s that thing that let’s you lie it all up with a neat bow and bury it in the backyard. But nothing, not getting angry, not prayers, and not reats, nothing can make something that happened unhappen.”
—  The United States of Leland

elated i am,
but there's no denying that a part of me is still afraid..
very afraid that the beautiful picture i painted in my mind blows up into smitherins.

still i say,
risk it.
♥ 4:54 AM

♥ 1:34 AM

“As we grow older together, As we continue to change with age, There is one thing that will never change… I will always keep falling in love with you.”
— Karen Clodfelde


i was never a fan of phonecalls,
but due to unforeseen circumstances.
like a wager against time,
a phonecall made my night feel more normal...and bearable.

looking at my parents,or the many close friends i have and their other halves.
i'm pretty much amazed how one can stand the other for such a long time.
how it's possible to fall in love with the same person all over again even after so many years.
i mean,butterflies have wings for a reason.

won't they get sick of each other?
won't they run out of things to say?
these thoughts constantly plague my mind
i guess i never understood how love works, not because i never had the chance to
but because i was too chicken to.
platonic love i know,
but love 'love' still remains a mystery i have yet to fathom.

love is ineffable..
and i am intrigued.

“The irony of my life, if not its tragedy, is that I did not understand this until it was too late; only then, as I retraced in memory the vertiginous arc of our affair, and the desperate, terrible brutality of its ending, did I properly come to know what it signified. The tragedy of my life then; the failure to understand the nature of love, until it was too late.”
— Patrick McGarth
♥ 1:24 AM

♥ 2:22 AM

                                      





♥ 12:03 AM

“Sometimes you just have to be brave. You have to be strong. Sometimes you just can’t give in to weak thoughts. You have to beat down those devils that get inside your head and try to make you panic. You struggle along, putting one foot a little bit ahead of the other, hoping that when you go backwards it won’t be too far backwards, so that when you start going forwards again you won’t have too much to catch up”
— James Marsden


sometimes,
thinking too much about a certain matter complicates things.
sometimes,
it's better to just go with your heart and do it with no reservations.
sometimes,
all it takes is that little push that we need.
sometimes.just sometimes.

the inclination in my heart.
the peace that i choose to believe is that im supposed to have.
the direction i so clearly have it in front of me.
yes,i finally got the answer i've been looking so frantically for.

it's always been there.
i just refuse to acknowledge it
thinking of 101 ways to convince myself that there are other alternatives, other options.
but you see the point is,
why do you even need to search for alternatives when this one just comes to your mind so easily?

a perspective can be seen as an easy way out or a hard way out.
there are always two sides to a coin.
and the best way is to take a step of faith and just go with whatever comes to your mind.
cause it usually is the right decision.

ive decided to take a step forward,
a step of faith.
it's gonna be crazy and i don't know where it will get me.
but one thing i know for sure.
it will definitely get me somewhere..and that somewhere is where You want me to be.



♥ 1:21 AM