♥ 2:13 AM

“We’ve all grown up, and there’s no denying that. But it’s tough to tell if in that growing up, we’ve simply grown apart.”
— Unknown



and i thought i grew out of my stupidity,
moved on,
grew up and maturity caught up.

it just had to happen to see if the transformation was genuine.
and it was...to a certain extent.

funny how it didn't seem to matter as much as it did back then,
funny how i'm just tired of it,
the struggle's gone,
whether or not everything goes back to normal doesn't matter anymore,
a part of me just clings on to the belief that some things cant be resolved,
no matter how many times you blow it up.
it's like those prank candles which never die off no matter how much you blow at it,
some things are like that,
they never die off,
it's just there to show you nothing's perfect.
♥ 2:07 AM

“And because there is something they can’t see people think it has to be special, because people always think there is something special about what they can’t see, like the dark side of the moon, or the other side of a black hole, or in the dark when they wake up at night and they’re scared.”
— Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time

it's funny how we desire to grow up when we were kids,
then desire to remain young as we grow up.

as a kid,we were only allowed to use pencils in school for our school work,
given our susceptibility to many many mistakes,using a pencil allowed us to correct our errors with the simplest possible manner -- the eraser.
as we grew older,using a pen was what we eagerly looked forward to.
to us then,it was a sign of maturity,a sign of independance.
during the transition period i still remember vividly that the opportunity to use pen was only given to those who had neat hand writings,
apparently neat handwritings then were a sign of readiness,
readiness to use a pen..
and that itself was a joy, a celebration that marks the process of growing up.

being a child gave us the ability to make as many mistakes as we could,
and no matter how dire the mistakes were,
they were always forgiven,they were always taken lightly,
yes we get punished,but the consequences were always minor,probably a scolding or a smack on our hands.
just like using the pencil,
we were expected to make mistakes,to learn from it,and then simply just correct it with an eraser.
however,as we move on with our lives,
more responsibilities and trust are given to us,
protection becomes limited as we are given the liberty to make our own choices in life.
we are expected to make the right decisions,the wise decisions,to bear our own consequences as a grown up would.
like a pen,everything we do,every mistake we make,every victory we arise with,is written down in ink and can never really be removed.
just like promises,we can use a corrector to wipe away whatever we want to conceal,but it still leaves a mark behind doesn't it?
we can't just undo what was done.

growing up,i never liked using the pen.
Besides the mess it made as well as how horrid the mistake looks,using the pencil gave me the liberty to change my plans,to adjust what i wrote according to the situation without leaving a mark behind.
it prepared me for the unknown.
it's always better to have the allowance to change the situation to your favour than to try to wipe out your mistakes,facing the probability of making it worse than it already is.

funny how eager we are to use the pen when we were young,
then prefer to use the pencil when we are old.
sounds vaguely familiar,doesn't it?
♥ 2:32 PM

♥ 3:22 AM

“Life has been some combination of fairy-tale coincidence and joie de vivre and shocks of beauty together with some hurtful self-questioning.”
— Sylvia Plath


dreams.desires.wants.
the psychological materialization of things to satisfy our moments of weakness,our moments of inadequacy.
it allows us to indulge in our own perfect world,just the way we want it.
it's scary how overtime,this mental make believe becomes an addiction.
when the thrill of it all is the working out of our minds,
without the intention of materializing it in reality.
when imagination suffices,
that's when it runs wild.

as a result,we often find ourselves stuck between realizing what we imagine and letting it stay as an imagination.
what seperates imagination and reality is the fear of losing an imagination,the fear of realizing that our imagination is flawed.
as precious as our imagination is to us,putting it into an imperfect world requires much courage.
what if things dont turn out the way we want it to be,
what if our imaginations are better off as imaginations after all,
what if we've been filling our minds with impossibilities?
the many what if's which plague our lives deters us from taking the step into realising it.
sometimes,fear causes us to settle for less,to convince ourselves that comparitively to facing the disappointment that may occur,our imaginations are better off as beautiful as it is...in our minds.
to put it plainly,we are just too much of a coward to realise that some impossibilities remain an impossibility,too afraid to get our hopes dashed into smitherins.

yes i admit,
once again, i am tempted to bolt,
to protect the beautiful imagination ive held on for so long.

No one is afraid of heights, they are afraid of the fall, No one is afraid to play, they are afraid to lose, no one is afraid of the dark, they are afraid of what's in it, no one is afraid to say "I love you", they are afraid of the response.
and no one is afraid to dream, they are afraid of reality.

death happens to human,to memory,to love,
death can happen to dreams too.

it's always the step of faith we take in between the death of our dreams and the realisation of our dreams that takes us through to a whole new level of breakthrough.

be daring,
be of good courage.
♥ 3:03 AM

We were gonna make a whole world like this. Now, everyone used to come here, but you know... you know what it feels like when all your teeth are falling out really slowly and you don't realize and then you notice that, well, they're really far apart. And then one day... you don't have any teeth anymore. -Where the Wild things are.


feels like i have all the time in the world,
while everyone's busy indulging in the rat race of their lives.
i've been given the opportunity to stroll along and watch the world,
to see the flowers and the beauty all around me.

so why does it feel like every moment's slipping away?

we never realise a wasted moment till it's over,
and for some of us,
it only surfaces when the moments coagulate into a large enough void.



♥ 2:21 AM

♥ 3:06 AM

important people.
checked.

though it was only a 12 day trip,and cause it was only a 12 day trip,
it tugged at my string hearts to see you guys send me off.=)

so here i am at zurich airport..with nothing to do of course.
armed only with a camera which was actually sufficient.




Driving to milan.
seafood risotto!
just in case you were wondering,that really is a middle finger in the middle of their business district.



zee last supper!
road to innsbruck..




really love this piece.its a melting clock by the way.
it signifies how time is lost drop by drop,
how volatile time actually is.
a picture really does paint a thousand words.

 then to paris..
 this is like the most beautiful tree ive ever see and its really super duper huge.totally awestruck.
my personal favourite..taken by accident.
if you ask me to do this again,i probably wouldn't know how to.
like i said,it's an accident.
got my candle light after all...
church on christmas just feels so right.


christmas dinner the warm fuzzy way.



last stop..amsterdam!

variety of condoms.HAHA.

so back home on the last day of the old year..
my heartstrings got tugged real hard again,
a bunch of teenagers stayed up the whole night just to pick me up.
for a moment i felt like an ice cube in a hot dessert..totally melting away.
though the surprise backfired.
still thank you all for the thought.
afterall, it's really the thought that counts, the thought that matters.
marcus,kiatguan,jon,jul,jov,irene,bella.
love you all deep,deep,down,down,
deep down in my heart.=)


and the first day of the new year.
i'm proud to say,it was pretty fulfilling spending it with people who really matters A LOT to me.

happy new year all.

♥ 12:45 AM