" There is immeasurably more left inside than what comes outside in words." - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

So here i am, back here.

Funny how i always end up back here when my mind clogs up.

Yes, i do pray to God and i do feel a little better, but nothing beats seeing your thoughts thread up into  words only you understand.

in-between.

the situation i have been since i came back.

be it my career, my ministry, my thoughts and my heart.

it isn't the definition of priorities in my life that bugs me,

it's the thin line that separates what's expected of you and what you really want to do.

people can say all sorts of things and use all sorts of means to make your decision seem wrong,

it might seem easy to end this sentence with " but you just need to be strong in your belief and not be shaken.", but thats not it.

to be strong, you need to have the courage to go against the social norm, to fight your need to be accepted.

to be strong, you need to have the wisdom to differentiate God's idea and someone's idea because lets face it, there is always that someone in your life that uses God to mask their own ideas, their own inferior complex or covetousness, that someone in your life that wants you to live the way they live, covering it up with "the act of being Christ-like" with a cherry on top.

Sometimes, we get so caught up with following, we mistake it for true discipleship and loyalty.

Sometimes, we get so overwhelmed by our need for social acceptance, we forget to live the life that God wants us to live.

We were never meant to be like another, but to exist as our individual selves each with a unique purpose that God has intended for us.

but to know this is one thing, to live by it is another.

Though I might seem like I'm not doing much,

i do treasure this "pause" in my life.

a time for a good rest, a time to pave and pray for the right path to take, be it in my career or my studies, a time to find the conviction i once had in serving.

whoever said this part of life was a waste of time, would probably be having their "pause" time in their life,realising the time they wasted was the one which they rushed into, because we all need that time to step out of whatever we are in to look at whatever we are in.

No builder has ever built a house without constantly checking the blueprint and making sure they were building in the right direction.

We all need that "pause" in our lives to make sure we are building our future in the right direction.